The Shadow of Sound

It was too quiet in the dark

My torch created shadows on the walls.

It was too loud in the light

My fragile ears couldn’t cope with the noise.

It was too normal in my room

So I turned up my headphones and drowned myself in music.

Whenever I go

Wherever I go

It’s too loud

Or it’s too quiet.

I cannot cope anymore

With anything

My life is too shattered

And has more cracks than a broken mirror.

I can still remember a time when it wasn’t too loud,

Or too silent –

When my gumboots broke the surface of an unblemished puddle

When laughter drowned out every noise that wasn’t perfect

When a boy whispered into my ear that he loved me.

When my mother sobbed in bed,

Although quietly.

But it still cracked apart my unforgiving love for her.

Those were the noises I wanted to hear.

And now I am faced with monotonous

Ordinary noise

None of which I want to listen to.