It was too quiet in the dark
My torch created shadows on the walls.
It was too loud in the light
My fragile ears couldn’t cope with the noise.
It was too normal in my room
So I turned up my headphones and drowned myself in music.
Whenever I go
Wherever I go
It’s too loud
Or it’s too quiet.
I cannot cope anymore
My life is too shattered
And has more cracks than a broken mirror.
I can still remember a time when it wasn’t too loud,
Or too silent –
When my gumboots broke the surface of an unblemished puddle
When laughter drowned out every noise that wasn’t perfect
When a boy whispered into my ear that he loved me.
When my mother sobbed in bed,
But it still cracked apart my unforgiving love for her.
Those were the noises I wanted to hear.
And now I am faced with monotonous
None of which I want to listen to.